life is flying by these days pass like minutes

i had a melt down today on the way  home from class tonight. Its been happening seriously about once a week. It make sense, its crunch time for the semester. I have long lists of school work to do and working in retail means that we’re getting busier and busier by the hour.  The other night when i closed I apparently forgot a lot of things and messed up the deposit. Not my greatest accomplishment.

As I was getting ready for bed I found solace in listening to my ex’s band. The singer Kris is a wonderful guy and has such a gut wrenching and passionate voice. My insides were screaming just as loud and painfully as he is in the songs. my body is so tight from poor sleep, busy days and stress. As I was listening to A16 I sat on my floor and stretched. All I do is stand at work or sit at home and work on school things at my computer. This needs to change.

Tonight I was talking with my roommate who is a clinical therapist, or something of the like and she was in therapist mode when she got home which helped me a little. It’s always nice to know that even when you’re stressed out you’re still mentally healthy. The thing that is killing me most, well the two things is 1. I feel trapped between school and work. They both own me and own my time. The second thing is I know I can do better in my school work. I know I have it in me, but I’m struggle to make the effort. i come home so exhausted from work that i just want to veg and not do anything. So I do poorly on an assignment or homework and then when I get to class and it hits me how awful my work is the guilt washes over me.

I know that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I know that next semester this will all be different and I will have not as demanding stressers on my life. My hope is that I will really, really be able to commit to my small group and church. I’ve have to those on the back burner because of school or work and I hate it. I hate that I feel forced to not communing with my church community.

that venue is a wine bar now.

sometimes your not heard, no matter how loud you scream.

Since last spring I’ve lost about 12 lbs. I guess it’s true that when your happy, you’re fatter! I am happy but I’m finally eating the way I like to, which is to eat one big meal in the early afternoon. After that maybe something else like a fatty drink; a chai latte or brevé latte for the evening. I know thats why I didn’t lose weight at camp because the only times you could eat where are the meal times. Although I didn’t lose weight there I didn’t gain any either because of how active I was.

besties and underdones.

I had so much fun this weekend with my favorite people. When I went to church this morning with Chelsea if literally felt like I was back in high school. The only thing thats changed is Beth doesn’t want to pass notes during the service anymore. Which I must admit is a good thing.

I’ve decided having married friends is just having more friends. Cause everyone is plus one! I love all my friends husbands and finance’s and boyfriends. Most of all I’m just happy for them. I see where they are in their life and once i wanted to be there with them. Now I just want to be where I should be. I don’t want to rush into something I’m not ready for, or fool myself that I should be at a certain place in my life.

“creating order is typography”

This is an amazing documentary about typography, specifically the font Helvetica. Its so interesting how something as ordinary as a type face has so much life behind it. This makes me think about everything else in life, everything ordinary and common, and the stories behind them.

“You can say, “I love you,” in Helvetica. And you can say it with Helvetica Extra Light if you want to be really fancy. Or you can say it with the Extra Bold if it’s really intensive and passionate, you know, and it might work.”

You Can’t Miss What You Forget.

Running

I’ve taken up running. Unfortunately when I run, I’m not going anywhere. The scenery is dull, often noisy and smelly.  One thing I do love about running is making running playlists. There is no way I can run to a slow song. When I make playlists I try to think about warming up, jogging, running, and slowing back down. I also think faster music makes me want to go faster and pushes me harder.  Some songs just making me want to run, scream, and shout. Those last two things would not be good in a gym setting surrounded by people, so I just run.

There is one song, “Fabric” by a Maryland band called  Age Sixteen that makes me run faster than anything else. There are jog songs, walk songs, but “Fabric” is a run song. The other people in the gym must think I’m insane as I pump my fist along with the song or banging the sides of the treadmill to the beat. Another great thing about this song is its fairly short- just over two minutes. I can run, really run (not pansy run like I do most of the time) for two minutes. Age Sixteen also has other fast paced songs on their newest album “Open Up Finders, Please”  that make me energetic and want to move my feet, but right now I’m stuck on “Fabric”. 

You can download my first running mix here!  Be warned- it’s pretty ridiculous. Maybe they’ll be more to come. 

Boating, Floating

I went boating yesterday. It was amazing. I haven’t been out on a boat in years. It’s probably because of that I enjoy myself so much. That and I’ve been needing any excuse to get out of the house lately. The weather cooperated- the forecast was showing threatening weather for the evening but it held off until we were off the water. I had my first “Crab Picking” experience!  I’ve had snow crab legs before but nothing compares to the real deal. Our table was delivered a dozen and a half of steamed Maryland crabs piled high. Fortunately I had some expert pickers around me to help me through. Most first timers probably share the same opinion as me, it was a lot of grubby work for not much return, but the time shared between friends is never lost.