TLC #1

its weird to be back in Maine, and to be back with some people I never thought I would see again. I’m really enjoying precamp, even if it is cold and wet and I have little to do. I can’t wait for more art shop staff to show up on friday! Its been kind of funny around camp lately because the other staff that are required to be here right now is the Outdoor Living/ Rocks & Ropes or the Waterfront staff. So when new staff members have been coming in and when I introduce myself and what my job here is, I get some strange looks. There is one other Art Shop staff memeber here- James who is a Art Rover. He’s been here for going on 11 years. It’s good to be here.

I haven’t done much today. I roadtriped to camp with my close friend Laura. She and I worked together in Photo two years ago. Since then we’ve see each other and kept in touch. This year she is in Rocks & Ropes. Their training started today, so I’ve lost my buddy for the time being. After breakfast I went back to sleep till lunch. It has been so cold and rainy that my bed was the only warm place! After lunch I went to my shop for the first time!

The counselors last year must have loved neon colors. Yuck! The cabinets are decorated with them and the other shelves too. I can’t wait to paint over everything and make it my own. Because of all my extra time here I’m planning to take everything out of the cabinets and shelves to reorganize and clean to the max! It is so so so bad!! I can’t wait to clean it all and feel at home. There are so many beads! haha Its going to be a crazy summer.

I hope it warms up soon, just a little. Then again maybe wearing just leggings isn’t helping. Maine is so beautiful, I’d forgot how much so. All of Maine’s largest cities are on the coast, once you get even 45 mins away from the coast you’re in a tiny tiny towns. Which is super quaint but all the low speed limits are killing me!

Sorry if this is written poorly- the directior that needs to authorize my laptop for wireless is gone for the day so I’m stuck writting on this ancient Dell. The CRT monitor is driving my eyes batty.

more to come!

ETA: 2 days

Last night I was at a party, and was enjoying myself. That is until I told someone how I really feel. At the party was a lot of people I haven’t see since the break up. Everyone was really friendly to me and said very nice things. I should have felt comforted by these words but I didn’t, not really. It wasn’t until I was talking to Ben and said how I really feel my shell started to crack. 

I feel like people would rather see a hollow version of myself than to see me   be completely broken. If I’m a hollow shell people won’t be so afraid. When someone is completely broken I see others shrink away.  I’m sure I have been the same in the past. I feel like the only way I can heal is to be completely broken. 

I don’t like being a shell. I wears on me, I feel empty and void. I know a lot of that has to do with me not having a job or a purpose right now. I leave for Maine early monday morning. I am looking forward to a diversion, and hopefully through all that my heart will heal, without all the focus on what’s not there and what I’m missing. I’ve had too much idle time.

Everything is easier when you don’t know what its like to be loved, everything is easier when you’re an outsider to relationships.  When you only have common sense and rationality to think about relationships. If it doesn’t work then you shouldn’t be together and thats it. Its hard to live it out. It’s harder when you’re heart is involved. It’s harder when you never thought you’d have to make your heart fit back inside you after you gave it away.

 

I guess I should start packing. My room is littered with clothes and shoes. I’m a little overwhelmed right now.

Future Foods, Future Days

Future Food

I guess for the unemployed and brain dead watching movies and tv shows is the way to go, or the way to live. Since I’ve not had much else on my plate I’ve beefed up on my movies. 

The Future of Food is documentary on genetically modified food, specifically from the mega corp Monsanto. Here’s the full movie, you can watch it here on Hulu.  

This movie is really great, and got me fired up. If you want a legitimate reason to go organic this is it. The scariest part of all the genetic testing is we don’t know the damages or effects of them. We are starting to the effects of hormone altered food in children. Its starting to be a very scary world. One of the things that stands out the most in the movie is how all the other countries and nations rejected the genetically altered food, why is it that Americans are  willing to accept things so blindly? 

 

Future Days

This summer I am going to work in Maine at an all girls summer camp. I worked at this camp two years ago and it was an amazing experience. I knew that after I left I probably would never have a chance to work there again.  I am this summer, and I am so please I was able to return this summer.

I’ve been feeling a little lost lately. My friend Meg was really helpful today, very encouraging and loving. Sometimes its the simple things people say, the basic, honest little truths that help someone more than anything else. 

I will learn to fly, on my own wings I will soar.