light of heart, light of spirit

It’s official! This is a year (and then some to come) of weddings. I was in my first wedding, my best friend Lauren’s this past may. In six days I will be in my second, my friend Beth’s. This coming July I’ll be in my oldest brother Matt’s and his sweet fiancé Josie. Tonight I just got the word that my other brother is officially engaged, and my newest soon-to-be sister Katelyn has asked me to be in their wedding too. I am so beyond happy for all these wonderful people in my life.

dance

“To say we are lovers, says very little about what happened,
and to say we are friends says even less.
No, if I am to understand the whole thing,
I’ll have to say the whole thing.
For in the end what I need to know is
weather what happened,
between me and you was
right or wrong” TAL

mazel tov my sweet loves.

5 Things

The top five things you should know about me..

1. I love This American Life.
2. I love to cook.
3. I am constantly let down by others
4. When I procrastinate I clean, everything.
5.  Its hard for me to think of myself as an artist right now

Then why even try?

“you feel like you’re in the club, and you don’t know what the club is but you know you want to stay in it.”

“sometimes when you want to be in a place so badly, you’ll do anything.” -Mike Birbiglia

“and its when your in the struggle that you most need the story of how your meant to be, because the alternative that the person your with could be one of a hundred thousand other people, then why even try?”

curiously dispassionate

I admit that by posting so many pictures on here I am avoiding actually writing something real. Quite frankly there’s not much going on. Actually there’s a lot going on this week-endish. As soon as my roommate and I turn in our finical statements and have those approved we’ll be moving in on friday. Which is just in time for my friend Josh to come and stay. I will have been a tenet for less than 12 hrs and will already have a guest.

I still don’t believe that this all will happen, I just don’t. So many things in my life have come so close to happening and everything falls though. Often at the last minute, and so here I sit, still in my parent’s basement at my desk, waiting for that one things to happen to cause it all the fall though. That being said, I’ve begun to pull boxes out of the closet.

All of my things seem to be a hodgepodge of all the different places I’ve lived. Pillows that match the couches I once had, and were too nice to let go. Fans and heaters from the very drafty Lee street apartment. Lots of framed photos to cover the bare walls I once inhibited. A rocking chair Ben and Kim rescued from the sidewalk across from school, I always think I’ll sand it down and paint it; I just haven’t yet.  There are also things that haven’t had a home yet. Such as my kitchen aid mixer, I received for graduation,  still in its box.

I’m just waiting,
For everything to fall though,
Just like everything else.

this is what I'll miss the most.

New apartment, lacks Dot pie. She makes me happy.

“sometimes in the absence of emotion, your only recourse is to surround you self with objects, assemble the relics about you. I only half believe what I am telling you.” -David Rakoff

someone get this for me, for christmas. please?

________

update- I just got the move in costs  for the apartment, so I guess its real.

its what growing older is all about.

so I guess I’m moving at the end of the week. Everything is happening this week, it’s a little overwhelming.

I am in love with these Mad Men illustrations by Dyna Moe.

I have Google Wave. I like it, but I feel like right now while not all of my contacts (aka friends!) have it, it’s a little superfluous.  I’m sure its going take over the world some day.

“the first time you fall in love, you fall hard; and then you usually end up feeling disillusioned or disheartened.” -Julia Rothwax, on This American Life

I’m cold.
I can’t believe its November.
I can’t believe it.
Any of it.
All of it.

boring night

Recently I’ve started watching the tv show version of This American Life. The filming of the tv show is just as cleverly orchestrated as their stories are written. What other tv show takes people out to field to interview them or moves their host’s desk to a different location every show? There is something beautiful about the everyday, the ordinary everyday.  Watch this clip from a show about making your own rules.

People want to find comfort in an inherently uncomfortable place. -Ira Glass

Choosing not to become the person your family expected is painful. You have to leave their world completely just to makes sense of your own life. And then fate lures you back whenever it can to give you the chance to measure the distance between their world and yours and see if it’s still just as far as you remembered. – Nancy Updike

I currently have to social life of a 12 year old. Only I can stay up later, drive and drink coffee.

This American Life

Has slowly started becoming my favorite NPR show. This week’s show was about how  books can change your life. Ira Glass starts his intro off with this quote; “its nice to think our lives could be changed just by an idea, by a vision in a book, instead of what our lives are really changed by, dumb luck, tragedies, coincidences..” It is a nice thought to believe that a single book or a collection of books can change your life. That particular show talks about four people that books have changed their life. No matter the topic of the show its all about just normal people, living, and striving to be themselves. Another really great TAL show was two weeks about describing and explaining in detail exactly what happened with the housing market and the why our economy is the way it is.  For someone who is not exactly econ savvy, I understand and can follow what they’re saying and now I know why the mortgages and the “giant pool of money” are to blame for the economy. Its a good feeling to know, and to understand.

Ira Glass

Speaking of books, I’ve started reading Slaughterhouse Five this week. I’ve not finished it but I think it is wonderful. A little dark and dreary, but wonderful all the same. The only other Vonnegut writing I’ve read was a short story called “2 B R 02 B”. A sad tale about the future where people would live forever, at least until they decided to die. And in his tale the only way a child could be born is if someone died in their place. Its super short and if anyone is a fan of The Giver, Anthem or A Brave New World, I defiantly think you should read this story. Or you can click here and down load the Librivox recording.

Apple picking was today, and it was fine. I woke up this morning and felt like my brain had exploded in my head. Not a good morning. I decided to still go apple picking, that is after I took 2 advil and hoped they would kick in soon. The first orchard we went to had lots of apples but they where small and tasteless. We next went to another orchard a few miles away that had huge apples and they where full of flavor. Now we have more apples then we know what to do with, but that’s not really a bad thing I suppose. Here are some pictures I took from today. I also took my Ricoh camera and shot with that. I’ll post those once I develop them.

daymares.

Today was a failure of a day. I woke up early to drive up to Mason for a job fair. Awesome, right? It turns out the “job fair” was really an open call for Patriot Center event staff. Not the same thing, I turned around and drove back home.

Lately I’ve been tired in the afternoon, especially if I get up before 10am. However when I take a nap, I have the worst dreams. I wake up and I am in a fog of depression and a haze from my upsetting dream. Also when I dream, night or day, I’ve been dreaming of people I don’t like. Its been upsetting for me because in my dream state I can’t control my feelings. I’ve woken up and just felt miserable and out of sorts. In a cold sweat and weary from my thoughts. Sometimes I can move on from these and other times they cloud my whole day.

I was listening to “This American Life” podcast about Frienemies today. One story in particular stood out to me it was about the story teller’s sister who ostracized herself from her family when she married a muslim .  In the end a friend of the speaker asked “if [her sister] has the guts to do something most of us can’t, end relationships that just don’t mean anything anymore.”  That makes a good point, how we can’t seem to let things go, but there are some people who can. Though each circumstance is different, maybe its something to learn from. The last line of the story the speaker responds to her friend’s comment saying “Maybe thats true, maybe I should admire her for that, respect her even. But I’d rather have my sister back.” I know a lot of the times I think the same thing, I’d really just rather have my friend back.